Her drug abuse led her into a dark and sad world, says actress Amanda Bynes, who is now excited for the future and a return to acting.
Bynes opened up about drug abuse in an interview for Paper Magazine's cover story, according to The Hollywood Reporter.
After stepping away from the spotlight, Bynes described herself as being someone who had "no purpose in life" and spending her time being "stoned all day long." She also got into company comprising a "seedier crowd'.
"I got really into my drug usage and it became a really dark, sad world for me," she said.
Now four years sober, she has credited her parents with "really helping me get back on track."
Bynes said she is finally back to normal.
"I have no fear of the future. I've been through the worst and came out the other end and survived it, so I just feel like it's only up from here," she added on a positive note.
However, "ashamed and embarrassed with the things I said", she added: "I can't turn back time but if I could, I would."
She hopes to design a clothing line, and is currently enrolled at Fashion Institute of Design and Merchandising to receive her Associate's of Art degree in Merchandise Product Development. But first she wants to "get back into acting".
Bynes reflected on when she first started using drugs, recalling smoking marijuana at the age of 16:
"Even though everyone thought I was the 'good girl,' I did smoke marijuana from that point on." She also explained that despite smoking, she "didn't get addicted" and "wasn't abusing it".
But later she progressed to trying harder drugs such as MDMA, cocaine and ecstasy.
When she got her hands on the drug Adderall, its abuse continued to grow worse while filming the 2010 film Hall Pass.
Ultimately, "the mixture of being so high that I couldn't remember my lines and not liking my appearance" prompted Bynes to pull out of the film, despite reports saying she was fired, according to The Hollywood Reporter.
She even dealt with having a negative body image, and in hindsight, she believes her thoughts were possibly a result of her being high on marijuana.
Bynes also spoke about the time when she infamously announced her retirement on Twitter, something she considers "stupid" when looking back.
"If I was going to retire (the right way), I should've done it in a press statement - but I did it on Twitter," the actress said. "Real classy! But, you know, I was high and I was like, 'You know what? I am so over this,' so I just did it."